1. Chocolate sandals
2. High-heeled socks
3. Transparent trousers
4. Bouncy hat
5. Gaseous vest
6. Tie that is also a working wind instrument
7. Wooden bra
8. Scarf you can grate cheese with
9. Scratch ‘n’ sniff pyjamas
10. Pants with a different colour on the inside so you wear them either way as the mood takes you.
1. More opera
2. Less crime
3. The same amount of cheese
4. Build a shelter for wildlife
5. Smile 36 times a day
6. Read instructions
7. Learn a new word every day
8. Be less lubricious
9. Let the love flow, all over the world
10. Be nice
Please don’t feel obliged to buy any of these for me, but in case you want to here they are:
1. World Music 2007
All songs released in in the world this year, in a deluxe 144,000 disc box set. A bit beyond my price range, that’s why it’s on the prezzie list.
2. mi side ov itt by Keith Brunt
The prison diaries of the illiterate lifer, predicted by the publishers to be the surprise hit of the season.
3. A new favourite mug
To replace the cheese coloured one that went the way of all favourite mugs.
4. The Oxford Dictionary of Utensils
More from curiosity than anything.
5. Songs You Love to Hate
All that appalling garbage you hear in every shop you go into on one CD.
6. Some utensils
Otherwise what’s the point?
7. A selection of cheesy biscuits.
Mmm, cheesy biscuits.
8. Taxidermy Starter Pack
9. Magic Sock
The one that somehow matches whatever else you can find in your sock draw
10. Anything Else Nice
New words are constantly coming into our language, and old ones passing into disuse.
I work freelance for a government agency making new words for things which have not previously been adequately described. For example, I’ve just come up with "flishing" which means walking along a street with your laptop open trying to get a wifi signal.
To make room for this valuable addition to the language, the word "whichsoever" will be redundant from the end of the month. Make the most of it till then.
St Robert of Bosworth is the patron saint of looking for a mislaid item in a place you’ve already looked because you can’t think of anywhere new to look.
They have "weapons of mass destruction", we have "insurance".
It’s one of those irregular verbs that cause students such problems, isn’t it?
We have the ultimate insurance, you have nuclear capability, they have weapons of mass destruction.
1. Cat Stevens
2. Howlin Wolf
3. Hound Dog Taylor
4. Michael Fish
5. Captain Haddock
6. Gustave Flo Bear
7. Adam Ant
9. Charles Lamb
10. The Birdman of Alcatraz
3. Damien Rice
4. Rice Crispies
5. Rice pudding
7. Tim Rice
8. Certain kinds of bean bags
10. Anneka Rice
I think this is probably my worst list yet.